Why you so sleepy, God?

After finishing today's workshop with Tanishka in Melbourne ( Tanishka’s 2013 Australian Tour ) I have come home with a lot of mental and emotional things to process.

Last year I started seeing Tanishka to help heal my sacred masculine. The way she works is that she has a specific God and Goddess relating to each chakra and that God or goddess represents elements of ourselves based off who they were, their stories, and how those tie into the chakras themselves. Basically... it works. The Gods and Goddesses do match each chakra and her intitituve technique- by checking the activity of each- does give a clear insight into the place a person is in... healing wise or energy wise.

So last year after a bit of a revulation I realised I really had to repair my relationship with my sacred masculine. So that brought me to her house... originally going to be all seven chakras, but we stopped at two. (Good reasons there.) And at that time most of my sacred masculine 'figures' were either conscious or sub-conscious.

Today was a little different. Today at her workshop we were mapping both the goddesses and the gods. The first are the ones 'at the front of the bus' and trying to be seen... and the ones at the back are either comfortable, hiding, or unconcerned.

1. Artemis, concious (Throat.)                            and             Pan, unconcious (root)
2. Lilith, semi-conscious (Root.)                         and            Apollo, unconcious (Solar Plexus) 
3. Hecate, concious (Third Eye.)                         and             Green Man, semi-conscious (Heart)
4. Athena, semi-conscious (Solar Plexus.)          and            Apollo, unconcious (Solar Plexus)
5. Ishtar, semi-conscious (Crown)                      and            Dionysus, unconscious (Crown)
6. Aphrodite, semi-conscious (Sacrel)                and            Ares, semi-conscious (Sacrel)
7. Demeter, unconcious (Heart)                          and            Chiron, concious (Throat.)


So ... my toughts about these results. It kind of makes me sad and angry. Sad, because most of the 'men' in my sacred masculine seem to have shut down, and angry.... because I don't know who to talk to, I guess, it confuses me. 

Like.... Dionysus, as an unconscious figure, is about overdoing substance abuse. That is confusing... because I don't actually do substances. I haven't even allowed myself to get drunk! So I'm sitting around wondering if this is a sign to search for a shaman and to get to know the plant medicine or not.Or just a not so gentle nudge to loosen up and stop trying to control my behavior and/or appearance every minute I'm around people? 

What is Demeter doing hiding all the way back there?

I guess one thing I do feel ... is that each God or Goddess is paired up with an oppsiate gender that will best help me heal them. So for example... Demeter, the only goddess who is unconcious....is beside Chiron, the only God who is concious,  I am thinking I wouldn't just work on her. I'd involve some element of Chiron into it... and I am thinking it might be the same.

I guess I'm tired, worried that I don't have any real friends in the world, and a bit lonely. I'm sure all of this will be less depressing tomorrow.