Trudging backwards... the marathon of shrinking the brain. Day 4.

Day one, I suppose.
...well, actually, it's closer to day four. I just haven't written anything yet. :)
So seeing as this is 'Your Story' time I thought I'd introduce myself. Let everyone know a bit of my history relating to weight loss! Warning- this is gonna be a long one.

Hello! I'm Cory, known to many as Sarah, and I'm just over 28 by about 22 days.  I've been overweight since I was about 11. I went to my grade six formal in a size 18 dress... oh my god, how I wish I could fit that dress these days! (I still have it somewhere.)
Maybe I'll put it on for my 'after' photo. :)
When I was about 15 I went into the children's hospital to do four weeks of optifast. Back then it was still new and they were paranoid so they checked my blood sugars and blood pressure three or four times a day. I was seriously bored and convinced them to let me go home after a week and a half.
Later at around 17, due to a bunch of stuff happening in my life, loss of friendships, father cheating and remarrying, physical and emotional abuse, probably also the result of years of bullying, I basically had a mental breakdown. There's no other word for it. My weight skyrocketed as I lost touch with reality- I ended up living through my writing but couldn't exist as 'Sarah'. Leaving the house was a terrible experiance and as I had no friends, I only had the internet, mum and my dog.
Saw lots of doctors during that time who were better at addressing the physical side of my health. I don't think anyone realised how serious my mental health state was- if they had I might have been comitted to a psych ward. Luckily they didn't. I don't know if it would have helped.
On the other side of that breakdown I started to get my mental state back together and realised I was now around 150kgs. It might seem odd to say I don't remember a lot of that time... but I don't. I remember a lot of writing, a lot of hiding, attempts at dieting on optifast... always a disaster... and that's about it.
I just started to wake up as if being asleep for years. 
It was at this time... I was about 21... after about three years on hte waiting list that I finally got my lapband.  This was ... not quite as easy as I expected. The surgeon was tough, my diet suddenly had to change, and I couldn't do a very good job. I got a job interstate and fled... full lapband in my tummy.
At 24 I moved to Queensland I lost about 50kgs, got to a wonderful 110kgs, but I wasn't living in a very healthy way. I was pretty depressed, competely overwhelmed as I wasn't quite recovered from my mental illness, and would skip whole meals or live off cups of tea. I did start walking a lot though.
It wasn't long after that job was over when my lapband slipped and  I needed to get surgery to get it repaired. While waiting the 8 weeks for the surgery I survived on fruit juice and tinned soup. I gained about 20kgs in eight weeks.  On top of that, while in Queensland, I injured my back (pinched nerve) and that's still not quite right.
Since Queensland I have gained it ALL back... and still have that lapband in my tummy. I hesitate to fill it again after it slipped... the thing I want most right now is to learn to loose weight and stay healthy without a painful band forcing it.
At the moment I am around 153kgs. It's the heaviest my current doctor has ever seen me at. I'm not in bad shape, not diabetic, good blood pressure, low cholestoral, but I know that with a BMI over 60 that could change at the drop fo a hat.  My body struggles though... I can get worn out in just a few hours of normal day to day stuff. Finding a way to exercise is going to be a challange for me.
I've tried so many diets it isn't funny. So this time... it's not about dieting. It's about teaching my brain to 'shrink'. To see clothing that's size 14 as 'normal'... to me they look as if they belong on a child and I actually make myself hold up a size 18 and say 'This is the size I should wear' over and over to myself. About eating the right size meal, telling myself it has stopped the hunger, and learning to accept that I don't need to feel full or bloated for the meal to be satisfying.
Maybe that's why I chose celebrity slim- I needed a few more 'flavours' to help my brain adjust to this. It's going to be tough. I'm already missing my usual rose and vanilla tea with brown sugar.
But you know what? :) It's not that bad. My heart's still happily pumping blood, I've started to overcome that severe depression (and I am training to become an art therapist to help others) and I've started 'love your body' weight loss group for local people to come walking with me... so as far as I'm concerned, celebrity slim is hopefully a more sustinable way to help my body recover.

So that's my story... and as this whole journey goes on, I might come back here and ramble more.